How Postpartum Depression Can Lead To Rage
When was the last time you felt angry? Like, really, really angry?
As moms (and humans), it’s normal to get angry at our children —and ourselves—when things aren’t going the way we planned. After all, we all have so much going on in our daily lives so it actually makes sense to feel frustrated and beyond exhausted at times.
But what happens when it goes beyond mild frustration or annoyance? What happens when we feel an explosive kind of anger — a wave so intense, that we feel taken aback by its fierceness and frequency.
Mama, does this sound familiar? It’s okay to admit it, we do not judge over here.
I never thought I could feel this angry.
Why did I scream like that?
My heart is racing; my blood is boiling...
It’s a symptom of Postpartum Depression that we rarely talk about: postpartum rage.
What is Postpartum Rage?
Postpartum rage, while not a clinical diagnosis on its own, is one of the symptoms of Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.
It’s a feeling of extreme and overwhelming anger that is seemingly triggered by even the smallest of scenarios.
Maybe the baby’s cries are becoming too much, or the chores are piling up and no one seems to be able to do them but you. Suddenly, bubbling anger erupts from within you, and the next thing you know, you feel as if you’re having an out-of-body experience. It’s like you're watching yourself lose all control over your emotions.
It happens so often, and you’re not even sure where it’s coming from. It’s one of the most glaring signs that your needs aren’t being met and that support is much needed.
Postpartum rage is so much more than just “losing your temper”.
It’s when you slam the door so forcefully as if to keep the whole world out.
It’s when you scream and swear at the top of your lungs until your throat starts to burn.
It’s when you can’t understand why you’re so damn angry, but you can’t control your actions.
It’s an intense episode, mama. And the guilt and shame that follow can be painfully defeating.
Unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle that happens to many mothers with untreated Postpartum Depression.
Why Do Moms Experience Postpartum Rage?
No journey worth taking is without bumps in the road.
The same goes for our own path when we become mothers. We feel a full spectrum of powerful emotions, and one of the scariest ones is fear.
Oh mama, we have so many fears:
The substantial changes to our lifestyle —What will the day-to-day look like with a baby? Will life ever feel the same?
The health of our relationships —How will we have the time and energy for everyone else who’s important to us?
Our breastfeeding/bottle-feeding journey —What will people say about our choice? Will I be content feeding one way over the other?
Being judged for our choices —Ugh, people!... Why do they have to give us their two cents when we didn’t even ask?!
That we’re not doing something “right” —The basis of our anxiety.
Our capabilities as mothers —Can we handle this? Can we raise a good human?
Our child’s safety — Maybe the scariest of all...can we keep this tiny human safe and alive?
And so much more.
It’s this combination of unpredictable change, uncertainty, restlessness, and a lack of support that results in negatively charged emotions.
In early motherhood, mamas are sleep-deprived, frazzled, and often lonely. It’s hard to ask for help when we don’t necessarily know what we need.
Every mama’s situation is different, but what unites us is that we tend to deal with our own struggles internally, and that can contribute to a deep sense of overwhelm.
What is really important for our own sanity is to regularly check in with ourselves to get an idea of where we are and what we’re feeling. Even when we can’t quite describe how we’re feeling or where the anger is coming from, it’s helpful to take the time to honor the feeling - emotions are your body’s alarm system.
And each feeling tells you something.
If the rage we’re describing starts to creep up, that is a strong signal that something is off balance. Your needs are not being met. Postpartum rage is not something to be ignored as it’s one of the more destructive symptoms of Postpartum Depression or Anxiety. If what we’re sharing here today is resonating with you, mama, please reach out! We got you and you will not feel this angry forever.
How Long Does Postpartum Rage Last?
Like any other piece of our postpartum journeys, there is no end date or timeline for healing.
Wouldn’t it be easier to be able to anticipate exactly when you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel? Ugh, we wish!
Ultimately, the length at which postpartum rage lasts depends on a variety of factors:
Recognition that our anger is a symptom of a postnatal disorder
How much help we receive from our loved ones
Having a supportive partner
Our access to mental health resources
Our ability to be honest in pre-screening questions when we see the doctor
Having the necessary education about the postpartum period
Prior history of mental health illness
Healing is a process, and this is what we want you to remember: You are not alone. This is temporary—it will pass—and there are solutions that exist to help you feel better.
Treating Postpartum Rage
“The truth about rage is that it only dissolves when it is really heard and understood, without reservation.” - Carl Rogers
Mama, we know how hard it is to admit that there is something deeper going on, and we know that owning up to this can feel like we somehow let ourselves down.
But that is never the case. Admitting to struggling is a sign of strength and self-awareness, not weakness and defeat.
Always remember that motherhood is not linear. You’ll evolve every step of the way. Living with real, complicated, and profound emotions is a quintessential part of the human experience that transforms your outlook on life and builds resilience.
That being said, feeling heard, seen, and validated is the beginning of the healing process.
Talk To Your Doctor
It’s important to talk to your doctor about how you’ve been feeling. We do it throughout pregnancy, but when we transition into postpartum, it feels like being honest with our feelings becomes a little bit harder. While it might be uncomfortable and scary, try to speak openly about the range and intensity of your emotions.
There is no such thing as an unimportant detail.
Every piece of information is critical in making the appropriate recommendations for your recovery.
A quick tip on how to articulate your experience in the most honest way: before you plan a trip to your doctor’s office, start journaling or noting down on your phone how you feel day to day. Don’t forget to jot down any behaviors that are out of the ordinary or confusing to you.
Not only is a written log a nice point of reference, but it’s one less thing to be anxious about when you see a doctor.
Therapy
Therapy is another way to address postpartum rage as it helps develop healthy coping strategies, especially if we feel that we’re losing control of our anger and are experiencing more bouts of hopelessness.
Therapy sessions will give you the tools to help calm yourself so that you can approach and diffuse difficult situations. Therapy is also a good way to express your thoughts in a judgment-free zone.
If you’re still unsure about therapy, we completely understand. It is a big commitment, and it takes a lot to start the journey when at your most vulnerable. Additionally, money can be a barrier to therapeutic treatment, and this is something we see all the time in the mental health field.
There are options though - if you’re covered by insurance, please be sure to check out a therapist you’d be comfortable working with that’s in your network. Or you can check out Bloome’s insurance-based programs here. If you’re able to be fully or partially covered by your insurance, you can then dedicate more of your focus to your recovery without having to worry about finances if you can afford it.
So next time you head to your doc, mama, bring your notes....and probably some tissues. You’ll be surprised at how much you’ve been holding in.
Social Support
Mama, those motherhood communities that focus on postpartum exist for a reason so jump right in! This support can come from local or online support groups, Facebook groups, Instagram accounts, and even TikTok! Speaking of TikTok, check out this extremely raw and visceral video from Laura Cleary on the realities of motherhood in postpartum.
Just like Laura, you'll find other mothers out there who are speaking their truth. And it’s absolutely refreshing to see.
You can even find communities that allow you to bring your little one into the meeting!
These groups will help lessen the feelings of loneliness and will foster connection with other mamas going through the emotional rollercoaster that is motherhood.
Medication
This is a personal choice for many mamas out there. We understand just how big this decision is.
While some mamas don’t mind being prescribed medication to help them on their journey, some feel extremely anxious and apprehensive about it. And others might feel like taking medication for a mood disorder is completely foreign territory.
And that’s completely okay. Voicing these thoughts and having this conversation is critical for our health and happiness.
So try to be open about the idea of medication with your doctor - you don’t need to commit right then and there. To make the best decision for yourself, ask about side effects, duration of treatment on the medication, dosage, and expected timeline of relief. No question is a dumb question.
And if you do decide to give it a try, just know that medication works differently for everyone. You’ll know what works. And you’ll also know what doesn’t.
The journey is yours, mama.
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As the month of June draws to a close, we at Bloome want to take a moment to thank you. To have you alongside us on this journey is our greatest honor. We’re so happy you’re here!
Our newsletter goes out on the last day of the month, and we’ve got a ton of goodies for you, so keep an eye out. We want you to feel safe and heard. We have resources that will truly help restore balance within you.
You are not alone.
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