Common Emotional Triggers in Motherhood
If you were to allow someone a glimpse into your average day as a mom, what would it look like?
Some days probably look better than others…
Because in reality, motherhood is unpredictable!
You can try your best to follow a schedule that suits the needs of your family, but (as we all know), things never really go according to plan.
And that’s okay.
The same goes for our emotions. No day is like the other.
Some days, we feel excited, happy, productive, and joyful. And these are the days we’re more likely to want to show everyone else.
On others, we feel more frustrated, anxious, uncomfortable. These are the ones we wish we could start all over.
But there are some situations where our emotions are heightened, sparking intense reactions to certain situations, no matter what kind of mood we might be in.
These are called emotional triggers.
And they happen more than you think.
What is an emotional trigger?
So what exactly is an emotional trigger? Put simply, it’s an emotion that causes severe distress. This can manifest as extreme anger, yelling, crying, feelings of panic, increased anxiety, and even physical symptoms such as shaking or hyperventilating.
Emotional triggers are usually a result of being reminded of a traumatic incident but are unique to each individual and their experiences. For example, triggers can arise from past events, situations that deeply upset you, the current state of your mental health, specific people, or events that cause an emotional reaction.
Here’s an example of my own experience as a first-time mother.
It was during the holidays, a time that’s usually not-so-relaxing for moms.
My whole family was enjoying dinner, eating, and appreciating each other’s company after months of not seeing each other. And while I loved being able to be at the table with my family, my daughter had different plans.
My normally hungry toddler refused to eat anything.
She was fussier than she had been in a while and had already thrown multiple tantrums throughout the day.
And no matter what I or my husband did, nothing appeased her.
All the crying, all the yelling, was escalating something within me.
I felt like tearing my heart out, screaming right back at her, all while at the dinner table.
I really did try to keep my cool.
But after hours of trying to calm her down, and with my family just looking on with little to no support (my own mother telling me to just let her cry), I had had enough.
I pulled her out of the high chair and took her into another room, my husband following close behind me.
And just started yelling.
At no one in particular.
Just shouting my frustrations that had been slowly building. I knew this was not the time or place, but I felt out of control. My heart was pounding and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I knew my family could hear me.
I didn’t care.
It was one of the worst nights I’ve had as a mother in a long time. But I was so triggered by all the crying and tantrums, I lost myself in my emotions.
Common Motherhood Triggers
It isn’t just crying that can trigger some intense emotional reactions from us.
Here are some common motherhood triggers:
Clutter
Lack of time for self-care
Yelling
Financial demands or constraints
Resistance
Strains on relationships
Situations that cause discomfort
Disapproval
Feeling unwanted
Rejection
Being excluded from events or social gatherings
Insecurity
Lack of acknowledgment or appreciation
Of course, these experiences look different from person to person and are largely circumstantial, but it’s essential for you to understand some of the more common triggers in order to help you identify your own.
When you start experiencing physical symptoms such as an upset stomach, diarrhea, or a racing heart, it’s important to pause completely and take a deep, expansive breath in order to return to your center.
What can you do when you’re triggered?
It can be incredibly hard to do at the moment, but taking a step back, examining how you’re feeling, and listening to your body are the most vital things you can do for yourself. This can also help you identify what behaviors are triggering your emotions.
So what can you do in the moment?
How can you respond differently when you’re already in a heightened mood.
First, acknowledge that your feelings are incredibly valid, and it’s okay to feel whatever it is you’re feeling at that very moment. This is practicing compassion for yourself.
To deny your feelings is to do yourself a disservice. The more you accept and embrace the feelings you’re experiencing, the easier it will be to understand where it’s coming from.
Next, if you can, physically separate yourself from the situation. Put the baby in the crib - in a safe space - so that you can collect a few precious moments to compose yourself.
And breathe, mama. Recite a few mantras to yourself. Give yourself some space to simply defuse. While temporarily walking away definitely doesn’t eliminate the trigger, this helps you return to the situation with a clearer mind so you can next more productive next steps.
And lastly, communicate, communicate, communicate. It’s important to give a voice to your emotions.
To let others around you know why you’re feeling a particular way and where you’re coming from to further deescalate the situation.
This isn’t always easy, and it takes time to develop a way to communicate clearly and effectively, but it will help.
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Mama, as we near the end of the first month of January, we want to check in with you.
How are you feeling?
Do you have any personal goals set for yourself as you progress through this year? Or are you taking it one day at a time, hoping for just a little bit of reprieve from all the chaos?
We’re right there with you.
Know that you are not alone in your journey.
Here at Bloome, we put you first so that you can approach motherhood with a full heart.
So take a deep breath.
You’re in a safe place.
And we’re here for you when you’re ready.
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Take care, mama.
Team Bloome