Why Moms Are Feeling Absolutely Burned Out During Covid
Being a mom doesn’t mean I clock out at 5 PM.
I’m a mama 24/7. I manifest the energy to show up for my family no matter what’s going on.
And because of the pandemic, I’ve had inadequate child care resources for over a year.
But I’m still moving along, hustling at work with all my child care responsibilities on top of that. I do the best I can while these two worlds occupy the same space.
So if I’m scheduled to take a meeting while my toddler is throwing a fit because I wouldn’t let her play in the toilet, I’ll somehow make it work.
After a year of quarantine, this is now my reality.
I do what I have to do to survive. We all do.
I should feel like a badass, taking my multitasking skills to new heights. But most of the time, I’m too exhausted to know just how much I’m doing. I go through the motions of the day on an empty tank feeling the tiredness right down to my bones.
Just to be honest, I can’t even tell you how I’ve made it this far. When I say I’m burned out, I don’t mean I need a break and I’ll return totally refreshed.
No, I’m talking about when the emotional and mental exhaustion is so great, it starts to impact me physically.
And I know I’m not alone.
Is Burnout Real?
Burnout is defined by World Health Organization as a “syndrome...of chronic workplace stress that has not been properly managed.” Although the official definition refers to burnout in the occupational sense, moms have been in a state of burnout even before the start of the pandemic.
While factors such as employment and the number of children are certainly contributing to feelings of burnout, mothers still face increasing pressure from society to be the primary caregiver and to maintain the lion’s share of the household responsibilities.
And for our working mamas, the issues have always added an extra layer of stress:
the length of our maternity leave
the option of a flexible work schedule
the cost and availability of child care
Unfortunately, the circumstances put many of us in a position to evaluate if we’re able to balance both a career and motherhood.
Now with the pandemic, we’re faced with even more challenges. We’re learning to navigate remote work and online education, managing behaviors at home with children whose social interactions have been drastically changed, and discovering ways to establish new and healthy habits while we’re primarily at home and isolated.
Mama, no wonder you’re feeling burned out.
It’s the result of feeling consistently unsupported, undervalued, and unseen.
There is no sick or vacation time that we can use when we need it. We’re “on” constantly. 0 to 100 from the time we wake up to the time we crawl back into our sheets.
We need to replenish our energy, but it’s from a well that’s already empty.
We hear time and time again that it takes a village to raise a child. But our villages are looking different lately. What was naturally designed for in-person support is now done through a screen. It really is better than nothing, but if we’re honest, it’s not the same.
Although every day looks different for each of us, our mental checklist doesn’t get smaller, it just gets more hectic. We’re trying to be engaged parents while maintaining our productivity and protecting our families during a worldwide crisis.
This repetitive cycle often leaves us feeling exhausted and frustrated. But we can’t continue like this. If left unchecked, it’ll inevitably lead to a breakdown or serious health complications.
Let’s talk about the signs that we’re on the verge of burnout.
Signs of Mom Burnout
In the workplace, burnout can cause a downward spiral that may be too hard to recover from. We’re exhausted beyond our limit, which makes us resent the work and the people. We’re stressed to get things done, but don't have the resources to be efficient.
And mom burnout can look much the same. None of us could have predicted that we’d be in this state of perpetuity for so long.
Yet, here we are.
Mama, when we’re burned out, we get easily frustrated - overwhelmed by even the simplest change in our routine.
It can affect us in so many profound ways that make the day even tougher to get through.
Feeling defeated before the day has even begun.
Not resting properly because stress keeps us up at night.
Feeling inadequate but having no idea how to change our situation.
Being short-tempered with the people around us.
Feeling hopeless that things will never change and this is now our new normal.
Being so exhausted it’s hard to physically keep up with everything.
Feeling guilty when we want a moment of peace, but getting angry when we’re not able to get it.
It’s hard being stuck in the same repetitive pattern, desperate for some type of change. All the days are blending together. Sometimes, we can’t tell if it’s a Wednesday or a Saturday. But to us, it doesn’t really make a difference when our days seem the same.
But mama, it’s not hopeless. It’s so tough right now, but there are ways to help lift our mood.
How To Recover From Mom Burnout
So, how do we deal with burnout when our resources are tapped out?
While self-care is super important, (and mama I encourage you to spoil yourself when you’re able to because you freakin’ deserve it), we need to look a little bit deeper than the few occasional breaks.
Focus on your wins
We’re going to stretch ourselves to be the teacher, the chef, the employee, the boss, and the caregiver. Not because we want to, but because we’re given no other choice.
The bar we set for ourselves is going to be sky-high. And the end of the day, whatever doesn’t get done, is seen as a failure on our part.
But we need release. We need to be able to let go and acknowledge that right now, it’s okay to not have some things done.
Instead of zeroing in on everything we weren’t able to get to, let’s focus on what we did do.
These are our wins - no matter how small.
You brushed your hair for that video call - awesome!
You got one batch of laundry put away - hell yeah!
You watched an episode of your favorite show - YES mama!
You’ll feel freer than you have in a while when you accept that it’s okay to lower the bar and celebrate your smaller victories.
Speak Up
Now is the time to be open with the people close to us. If someone asks what they can do to be supportive, take it.
And if you need to ask for help, try to be as specific as possible.
It’s tough, and we might not even know what we need at that exact moment. But it could be as simple as agreeing to have them bring you a meal. Or if it’s safe, ask them to watch the baby for a bit while you take a second to catch your breath.
Any support that offers you a moment of reprieve is worth it.
But this also an opportunity to look at self-care from a different perspective.
It’s allowing ourselves to be vocal about where we’re at with our mental health. It’s allowing ourselves to communicate to others about what is realistic right now and what must wait. It’s allowing ourselves to be transparent about the fact that we need more support.
We don’t have to hide under the facade that everything’s okay.
Cause it’s not, mama. It’s barely working. And it’s totally fine to admit this.
Nurture Relationships
At the end of another long day, the last thing we want to do is jump on yet another video call. Zoom fatigue is 100% real.
Our fatigue is 100% real.
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. Don’t go through this journey without a sense of community.
It’s important to stay connected, especially now.
Join local mommy groups on Facebook. Text your friends. Share those all-too-relatable memes. Talk about anything and everything that helps rejuvenate your spirit.
I hope it brings small nuggets of happiness as we power through the rest of the quarantine.
Seek Online Therapy
With much of the world still operating in a virtual capacity, many practices have shifted to using online sessions and telehealth to continue serving their clients.
While it can’t replace a face-to-face meeting, therapy is still a resource available to us. Because it’s online, there’s more flexibility in how we can meet our doctors without having to travel. It’s also given us a wider range of care to choose from.
Sometimes we just need someone to talk to who is completely removed from our personal lives. Someone with a trained ear that actively listens and can help piece together our tangled thoughts. Someone that can support our position and provide validation and actionable guidance.
Taking the steps to restore balance in ourselves is the hardest part. It doesn’t mean we’ve lost the battle. Seeking extra support - no matter what form that comes in - means we’ve finally allowed our mental well-being to be a priority.
If therapy is an option for you, don’t rule it out. It can help immensely especially if you’re feeling the emotional distress of burnout.
Recognize that this situation is not our fault
Mama, we need to acknowledge how hard we’re working.
While some things may be slowly returning to normal, we still have a ways to go. Until then, we need to accept that our current situation isn't under our control.
Our emotions, our stress, our overwhelm are not our fault. Everything that you’re feeling is valid.
You’re not failing or being dramatic. We’re making it work under impossible conditions - put in positions to make difficult choices.
We’re doing more than we realize, showing up every day and doing our thing.
I hope that you give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. I know you may not feel like it, but you’re doing an amazing job.
Be well, mama.
We want to hear from you, mama. What has been the most challenging part of the quarantine for you? What are some tips you have for getting through the day? Leave a comment below! Our team here at Bloome can’t wait to hear from you.